M O N D A Y - - - C O U C H P O T A T O

Today was Monday. It was a very difficult day to stay awake. Last night I went to bed about 1AM. I put on my CPAP mask and forgot to take my sleeping pill. Nothing too strong; but I have gotten used to a small Temazapam caplet every night.

About 2:30 the momma cat came into my bedroom screeching her head off. I have no idea why; but she has the worst meow when she wants, make that, demands attention. I told her to go to bed.

At 3:24 Sparky, the oldest male, came in and did the same act.

As a result, I got very little sleep. When Felix got up at 5:00 AM to get ready for work; I woke up. I got up at 9AM and stayed up. It was difficult to hold my head up by 11:00AM. After Felix called at lunch, I went into his room, turned on his TV and sat in his recliner and slept for the next 2 and a half hours. Funny thing happened, no cat came in to bother me.

After Felix got home we had supper; chuckie and dimples, er.. make that chicken and dumplings, then watched a TiVo showing of Call For Help with Leo LaPorte, during which we skipped all 23 minutes of commercials; then we each took another nap. I am becoming a couch potato.

Tuesday may be the same if I am unable to get a good night's sleep tonight.

I N T O T H E N I G H T

Do you know why I called this blog, "Into the Night"? Because as we age, as we live, I feel we are rushing headlong into the night. Not really knowing where we are going, not having any intended direction; but just rushing headlong in some direction that is beyond our control. In other words, headlong into the night.

Is that where you really want to wind up? Somewhere beyond your own control? Somewhere filled with darkness? So, I ask you one simple question; why are you so quick to run headlong into an area that you know nothing about? Our culture has spent many years building a certain way of life, encouraging interaction between people, learning about each other and doing good things for people and the environment. Yet, today we have nearly turned our back on all of that in our quest for .. for.... for what? In order to make a few extra bucks; in order to "better ourselves"; for a promotion on the job: all of these things together are what are causing us to rush headlong into the night, not knowing where we are going or caring about the result of that rush.

Some of us have no time for our wives, our children or our parents and friends. We are so busy with the job or the pursuit of something that seems so irrestable to us that our action is justified. Trust me, it isn't.

Many clubs and organizations that used to do good for mankind, Elks, Masons, Moose, Knights of Columbus, and hundreds of others are now scratching for members to attend their meetings and help in their effort to make life on this planet better for those in need. They show members on the books; but they do not attend meetings because they are so busy rushing headlong into the night.

What is the rush? You are going to live until you die. You may speed up your death; but I seriously doubt that you will delay it any. So why the big rush to do what? Why not slow down, smell the roses, take a little extra time for your loved ones, take time to give of yourself to help others. I will paraphrase the following: Man never stands so tall, as when he stoops to help his fellow man. How do you stand?

EVER GET CAUGHT IN A SCAM??

Twasn't me, it was Felix. Felix is a fast driver and thought he could do something to protect himself from getting caught by buying a plastic polarizing lens to put over his license plates. This is supposed to prevent a camera from getting a clear view of the plate for a photograph. Felix ordered them and when they came in he showed them to me. I told him they were illegal. He argued with me; but looked up the Illinois Vehicle Code on the Internet.

Sure enough, he found the part that said it was illegal to obscure your license plates with anything that hindered them from being read. The plastic polarizing lens was a scam. Felix returened them to the company he bought them from. I say the company knew all along that they were illegal; and should have been prevented from selling them; but smart scamming company that they are, they do have a disclaimer on their website. They know that this item is illegal in every state in the union. They prey on folks who buy into their hype. Sure, we have all been guilty of doing this at one time or another. Let the buyer beware.

Felix filed a complaint with his credit card company. It seems they are of no help to him. The scammer gave Felix an "in house" credit; but who wants to buy more shit from the people that tried to rip him off in the first place. Companies like this know that P. T. Barnum was right; there is a sucker born every minute. It is a damned shame that companies like this are allowed to exist.

I told Felix that I would try to get the thing straightened out; but after reading the letter from the credit card company and the enclosed copy of the disclaimer from the scammer company, I don't see how we have a snowball's chance in hell of getting his money back. Not that there is a large amount of money at stake, it is more of a principle thing that he is arguing. Felix jumped a little too quickly and bought into the hype. He got stung.

This is what I keep harping about; HYPE. There is so much hype out there, from companies trying to sell you a nicely boxed pile of shit, credit card companies that promise you a great APR (for a limited time) and our government that gave a $200 income tax credit to every taxpayer and has sold them a bunch of hype about Iraq and WMD's that do not exist. People have been dumbed down to the point that they will buy almost anything.

I recall my ex-barber, who also had a horse farm that used hay in their stalls. He put an ad in the local newspaper trying to get rid of the used hay. Yes, it had horse shit in it; but it was free for the taking. NO TAKERS. He then advertised the same used hay for $5 a load. He got rid of every bit of it and made $25 bucks in the process. He couldn't give away horse shit free, so he sold it for $5 a load. Is America DUMB? You tell me.

Felix will now eat the loss of $67 and be a little more careful about buying things mailorder. It is sad that there are people out there that will lie and cheat by selling bad merchandise.

R E T I R E M E N T

Are you looking forward to retirement? I am there, and wish I were still in the active workforce. The truth about retirement is that it can be very DULL. I am bored with watching TV, playing on the computer, listening to the ham radio and tinkering with the latest audio gadgets.

I remember a fellow worker about 20 years ago who used to work every moment of overtime he could get. I don't know if he needed the money, couldn't get along with his wife or was just a glutton for punishment; but he was at work every time the doors were unlocked. He fought for the chance to work overtime. ME? I hated overtime.

Anyway, this guy had a very close call accident at work. He slipped with a power hacksaw and cut his ear off. Within a week he decided it was time for the old man to retire. He couldn't wait to get back home to his small farm and pigs; that was going to be his life after retirement. He died 13 days later. What did he work all the overtime for? He had made plans to run his small pig farm; but couldn't adjust to staying at home. He was so used to going to work that the fact that he no longer had a job to go to was too much for him; he had a heart attack and died.

What is my point in all this babble? Don't put all you eggs in one basket. Don't work too hard. Don't depend on having a leisure time when you retire. I have always said that a man needs a reason to get up and get out of bed in the morning. No, not just to go to the bathroom. He needs a reason for his life. He needs a reason to exist.

I have been living this life of retirement for 16 months and still have not found my reason to exist. I am happy, I admit. I am comfortable and well fed; but I am still struggling with the fact that I don't have to go to work. When I watch TV, I think about having such and such a job that is being portrayed on TV. Wouldn't it be fun to be an FBI Agent, a pilot or whatever. I am still trying to adjust to not having to get up for work in the morning.

Don't get me wrong here. I like sleeping late and I like staying up late to piddle with the computer or watch the History Channel or the Discovery Channel; but my desires are to still be active in doing some of the things I see on TV. I want to visit my cousin in Las Vegas and drive out to Rachael, NV and hike up Tickaboo peak to take pictures of the military base that doesn't exist. You know the one. Did I say "hike up Tickaboo"; boy that is a laugh. After the stroke I am doing good to walk on level ground, much less climb a mountain.

There are so many things I want to see and experience for myself. When I was working, I was too preoccupied with the day to day stresses of the job to think about these things; but now that I have so much time on my hands, I would love to live an adventurous life. Honestly, I am a big chicken; but some of those things are so inviting to me that I dream about them. If I lived to be 100, and were able to do these things; I would still have a wish list that was unfullfilled.

I am not content to sit and watch the world go by. I want to participate in it. I want to be a part of what is shaping the world. I am not saying that I have any great thing to contribute; but I just don't want to be left out of my future. Does that make sense to you? It does to me.

LOST IN THE FOG

I could have sworn that I posted one post between Monday and now. Maybe old age is beginning to take it's toll on me.

Tonight I started a cleanup project involving this computer. I deleted a few files that are no longer needed and have made a couple of new folders for those I want to keep. Have you ever found yourself bogged down in a bunch of useless files that you didn't really know what to do with? That was my problem and the computer is rebelling against me because of all the crap. I need to cleanup my start files and be sure there are no alien malware on the computer.

Tonight we had a wonderful supper. Felix wanted corndogs, so that is what I put in the mickeywave, corndogs. WOW, what a meal. Last night we ate at McDonalds; yeah, the big MickeyD's. We are right up there with Emeril LaGasse in the gormet catagory, aren't we? I have promissed Felix that Friday evening will be home made chili. I get rave reviews for my chili. The weather has been raining and it looks like chili weather to me. The temperature has actually dropped into the mid 80s. Hooray. Not exactly winter; but a good enough reason to fix chili.

Only problem with all that is I need to go to the grocery store after all. I need more beans and some fresh bread for cheese sandwiches.

For those of you who are regular readers of this blog, you know we have 6 cats that live with us. Our oldest cat, who had nothing to do with fathering the brood. The momma cat that had 4 cute litle fur balls, and the 4 little fat cats. They are eating us out of a house and home; but too damned cute to get rid of. Anyway, momma cat is the female of the house. She is right beside me now meowing up a storm because I have not turned off the light and gone to bed. She wants me in bed by midnight and up out of bed by 8 AM. What a bitch; but she is too sweet to holler at; so I guess I will do what she wants.

Good Night, all.

"WE LOVE DEATH, AMERICA LOVES LIFE"

Man, how do you comment on a stupid comment like that. Sure, we are born, only to die; but in between those two events there is life. Life is a wonderful thing and the opportunity to live that life to it's fullest should never be overlooked.

Those who want to stop America from having life, from enjoying life are missing the very basis of life itself. I am not one who believes we are "duty bound" to force our freedoms on the rest of the world; but I sure do not wish to give up the American freedom to go backwards to their living in a cave style of life. I just finished watching the second two hour special on 911 that aired on the National Geographic Channel. I admit that I cried during part of it. To see the faces and hear the words of those brave New York Firefighters that gave their lives in the World Trade Center tragedy is something that will always bring out emotion.

It hits home to me because my son is a Firefighter/Paramedic. He has been involved in some difficult situations on the job. He has put his own life on the line in the resuce of others. The people who hate Americans do not understand what drives Firefighters and Policemen.

I support our military troops in whatever situation they are in. They are brave, selfless, men and women who are doing their very best they can to spread freedom and equality wherever they go. If others do not wish to partake of what is being offered, let them be; but they should not take their hatred of America to such a level as to kill innocent civilians. Osama bin Laden has vowed to do exactly that. He wants to kill all Americans, military and civilian.

The statement was made that maybe America needs another 911 to galvanize our emotion and dedication to get the job done. That job being to eradicate terrorism from the face of the earth. I am afraid that statement may be correct. The bible speaks of "Armageddon". That battle will be the annihilation of millions of people. It will be the end of our life and usher in the Kingdom of God on this earth. Are you ready to give up your earthly life? Are you ready for heaven or hell?

Personally, I am in no hurry for that time to come. I like living in America. My soul may be ready for that time; but my mind and body still want to stay around for many years. However, I do believe that America is headed for some very difficult times in the future. Does Osama have nuclear capabilities? Will he hesitate to use them? He already said that they love death and they know that America will retaliate against any attack on us. No, he will not hesitate to initiate a nuclear war.

Osama bin Laden comes closer to anyone on earth as being the "antichrist". He loves death.

A LITTLE CROW

OK, I may be wrong on the wings thing; but I still want to know why they seized the video tapes from two cameras and have never allowed them to be shown. The video from the Pentagon security camera was not clear enough to satisfy me; but I will accept their explanation.

HOW DUMB CAN WE GET????

Don't let that title line turn you off, I am not throwing stones at anyone. This post is a followup to the last one. There are many things I do not understand. The biggest stumbling block to me is why are people accepting the crap that is being shoved down our throats? Why doesn't society rebel?

I probably will have the FBI and CIA knocking at my door after this one; but here goes anyway.

We attacked Iraq based on the belief that Saddam was about to send a WMD our way. Scientists have searched all over the country and no WMD's have been found. Where are the Weapons of Mass Destruction? Now, why are we still there? We have literally torn up their country and their society. Why are we still there, when it is obvious that we are not wanted there.

Besides, didn't the government say that Osama bin Laden was behind the 911 attack? Afghanistan, Mr. Bush, not Iraq. I guess he flunked geography. But, what the hell, he is President; so why should we doubt him?

How much are you paying for gasoline? Have you cut the amount of miles you drive? How do you get to work? If it is a 20 mile trip to work and the gasoline is $1.00 per gallon, you go to work. Now, lets assume the price is $3.00 per gallon, are you going to work less? I don't think so. You will continue to pay the $3.00 per gallon and go to work every day or you will soon stop eating. Everybody is griping about the price of gasoline; but no one is doing a damn thing about it. Tell me, if I am wrong on this.

Where did the wings go? The government said a Boeing 757 crashed into the Pentagon on September 11, 2001. We saw the damage, we saw the hole in the wall. Did anyone see the wings of the airplane? Did anyone see the fuselage? Did anyone even bother to ask? Would the government lie to us? You bet your ass they will. AND DID.

Why are the American people allowing themselves to be dumbed down in this manner? Our school system is not teaching what students need to learn. They are teaching just enough to get them by and force them out of the system. My own son graduated with 15 and 1/2 credits. The minimum was 16 credits; but they gave him a diploma anyway. Did he get by on his good looks? Maybe, I would like to think so. After all, he does look like his dad. I am not ridiculing my son, I am only pointing out that the school system doesn't give a fucking damn about education. It is all about perpetuating their own existance. Get the students in, get the government money and your tax money to support the system, then graduate them from the system. The teacher and the administrators still keep their jobs year after year. Who gives a rotten fuck about the student?

We have lowered the standards for high school graduation. When I was in junior high, we were required to diagram a sentence. We had to learn the parts of the sentence, noun, subject, verb, pronoun, adverb, predicate and so on. I dare you to try to get a high school graduate of today to understand what I am even talking about. I have worked for supervisors and company officials that are unable to construct a coherent sentence and get their point across in a memo or letter. It is a joke. A FUCKING JOKE.

When I ramble on as I have done, you may wonder about my education, too. I claim the excuse of being like my mother and entitled to be eccentric. Oh, BTW, Mr. Governmnet official, KISS MY ASS.

Is America being dumbed down? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS IT IS.

THINGS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

First off, I am a man; so obviously, I do not understand women. I thought I understood my mother after about 55 years; but she really threw me a curve with this episode. We were at a restaurant and ordering our supper when she began to give the waitress a bit of lip. After the little girl had taken our order I turned to mom and told her she could have treated the girl a bit better. She told me not to worry, at her age, 84, she was entitled to be eccentric. I didn't think she had it in her to pull a sly stunt like that.

It should go without saying that as a gay man, I never understood my ex wife.

I do not understand computers. At one time, I thought I did; but this computer has made it very clear to me that I don't know jack shitt about computers.

I have been a licensed radio operator for over 44 years; but I do not understand radio propagation. What causes a radio signal to bounce off something that can not be seen, the layers of the atmosphere?

I do not understand my body. At my age I am amazed at that fact. I have had a stroke, I have had cancer and I am still alive. It is a miracle that I have survived. The doctors thought otherwise.

I do not understand the United States Government. We claim that Osama bin Laden was behind the attack on the World Trade Center Towers and yet we attack Iraq. They claim that the Social Security Fund will be broke by such and such; but they keep borrowing money from that fund. What the hell do they expect?

I do not understand how colored eggs come from the Easter Bunny.

I do not understand how Santa Claus at one department store could not remember that I had just talked to him at another department store 30 minutes ago. Besides, I think something was going on between that fat man and those little elves.

MACHO OR WIMP??

Do you consider yourself a macho man or do you think of yourself as a wimp? I don't know what phrase a lady would use, so I will stick to the male gender here. I do consider myself as somewhat macho, although I will admit that I have my tender side. Some may call that the "feminine side". I don't look at it that way. I just admit that there are times when I want to cry.

Earlier this evening we went to the grocery store. Felix hates the grocery store; but if he wants to buy things that he wants, he needs to go with me. It is not that I won't buy from a list; but there are things that one of us may see that we want. Also, he is there to help me retrieve things from the bottom shelf. The lower priced things are there, and the bottled ice tea that I like is there. I was looking at something on a shelf and he was rushing me to get to a checkout lane. He wouldn't listen to a thing I said about the item I was looking at; he was only concerned about getting out of the store. There was no emergency, he just hates the grocery store and the senior citizen crowd that is there on Thursday to take advantage of the $10.00 discount coupon. Again, my feelings were hurt.

This evening I was telling Felix about something one of the cats did today and one of them did something that caused Felix to holler at him/her. Felix did not hear a thing I was saying. That hurt my feelings again; because I was talking and he wasn't listening.

He announced that he was going downstairs to his office and pay bills. A few minutes later I noticed the light for his telephone was lit. It remained lit for better than an hour. He was talking to someone else, not me. That isn't the problem, I am not jealous; but I do want him to take time to talk with me. At supper, I listened to everything he had to say about what went on at work today; but after supper, he had very little time to listen to my conversation. This is not the first time, in fact, it is normal.

When he came upstairs to prepare for bed, I called to him to comment about something that I had been researching for nearly three months was on TV this evening. I felt sort of proud of myself to have been on top of the subject. He yelled that he had no time for that, he needed to go to bed. I wished him good night and I sat in front of the TV and cried. Does that make me a wimp? Am I giving in to emotions; or is he wrong in his treatment of me? I really don't know. I wonder what is going on.

Is Felix tiring of me? Am I being used? No, I do not suspect him of having a boyfriend on the side, I trust him in that respect. I may find out that I have been a fool sometime down the road; but it won't be the first time that I have been used. People use people all the time; but I think two guys in love should have more respect for each other.

I wonder if I should be more macho and not let things like this get to me. Except for the cats, I am alone from 9PM when Felix goes to bed, util 4:30PM when he comes home. Even with all the modern technology I have available to me, it gets very lonely. Felix knows how much I love him. I don't want to monopolize him or become a pest; but I want more interaction with him. He says we are going to see a movie tonight, together. Even that is sitting next to him, watching the screen and being quiet. I want to talk to him and have him listen to me. Is that too much to ask?

DEAR DEER

Felix and I went out for supper Tuesday evening. On our way home, about 5:45PM we drove through the campus of Southern Illinois University-Edwardsville. That place is always undergoing change, new buildings, new dorm buildings, new think tanks, etc. Felix and I were surprised to come across three deer grazing along side the road. They were about 30 feet from my SUV. Momma and two babies. That was quite a sight to see.

Usually deer will run from people out there, there are just too many folks for them to understand; but I think these three have gotten used to the students and the drivers who use the campus as a shortcut to get from place to place. I have seen deer up close before; one time while I was out in the woods cutting firewood, two deer approached me. They came within 10 feet of me. They were attracted by the noise from the chain saw. I was startled to look up from the downed tree to look right into the eyes of two bucks. I turned off the saw and they looked around, then sauntered off into the woods.

SIU-E is known for having a large population of geese. The geese are attracted by Tower Lake where they can swin, feed and go about their business without worry. Once in a while, early in the morning when I drove out of my garage, I would hear them honking at me. Well, they were flying about 50 feet above me heading for another lake on the other side of the subdivision. It is kind of nice to see and hear these things. It lets me know that mankind has not completely ruined our environment. As we drove into the campus from the west, there were about 200 of the little honkers feeding and roaming through the grass.

I can remember back before the University was built. The campus was all farmland There were even reports of big cats roaming the bluffs and woods of the area. Honestly, I am not feeding you a line here. I did see one, myself. It wasn't a lion or a tiger, not even a bear; but probably a cougar. The cougar is the adopted name for the basketball team at SIU-E. They used to have a caged cougar as their mascot. Her name was Chimeega. The spelling may not be right; but the pronounciation was like that. No, she wasn't a tame animal at all. She was housed in a large geodesic dome on campus. You could walk up to the fence around the dome and watch her; but the campus police didn't like people doing that. Some idiots would attempt to aggrivate her and cause damage.

Felix had the honor of petting her once. Her handlers would take her to grade schools in the area and display her for the kids. Felix was brave enough to walk up to her and pet her. I wish I had that privilege; but I never saw her out of her cage. She was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Sorry Felix.

I guess you can tell that I am a feline lover. That is probably why we have six cats in the house. I have a big respect for animals. No, I am not a vegen, I eat meat; but I don't kill the animal myself. I did help butcher a cow once and quickly decided that I would never do that again. It was sort of gross; but the finished product was good. I think every animal was put here on earth for a purpose. We should respect that purpose and that animal. If they don't try to hurt me, I will not hurt them.

TIME SURE FLIES

My God, has it been that long since I last posted here? When I first started this BLOG I was posting every evening, even sometimes more; now I am lucky if I get time to post more than 4 times a week.

This past weekend our radio group provided communications for a local homecoming and parade. The homecoming was supposed to last for 3 days. It got rained out in the middle of Saturday afternoon. The parade was cancelled and Sunday was a bust. Damn shame. I had some fun early on Saturday afternoon. The weather has been very unpredictable lately. The old adage is that if you don't like the weather in St. Louis, stick around, it will change. That sure is true. After two weeks of 100+ days, we got lots of rain, wind, storms and the temp in the middle 70s. Of course, that didn't last. The temperature is slowly creaping back up; but it is raining every day.

Felix and I are going out for supper on Tuesday, if we don't get too wet. We went out on Saturday evening and nearly got soaked. I mean, it was raining so hard that we could hardly see what the world looked like outside the restaurant windows.

TV has been stuck on WWII for the past two weeks. We are past the anniversary of Victory in Japan Day so TV should move on to a new topic. I have seen the bombing of Pearl Harber a dozen times in the past two weeks. I have seen the signing of the surrender documents on the battleship Missouri at leat 6 times. Hell, I was alive when those documents were signed, I know al about it. Well, I was only 5 years old; but that is still being alive, isn't it?

Tonight I watched a British documentary about an 87 pound 3 year old boy. He is presumed to have MOMO Syndrome. There are only 3 or 4 people alive that have this problem. I think our little cat Bear may have the same thing. That cat is the same age as his siblings; but he outweighs them by 50%. He is 15 months old and weighs 15 pounds; but he is the most gentle giant cat I have ever met. He loves to roll over onto his back and let you rub his belly. He really loves it. All of these cats like to sleep on their backs. How many cats do you know that do that? Not many, I am sure.

I type these great dissertations directly inot Blogger. I do not use a word processing program such as MS Word. That is why so many misspellings get by. My computer screen is set to a large resolution and everything seems so small. Now, could that be my eyse are getting bad? Probably so. What do you think I will do? Not a damn thing. I am too lazy to change anything; plus AOL won't fit as well on the screen if I use a lesser definition. I hate it when different windows overlap. Stubborn, yep, that's me.

Hey, I hold the title of the WORLD'S BEST PROCRASTINATOR. Let's hope I can get back on a schedule with posting here. Remember people, MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR. And use protection.

VARIOUS TOPICS

READERS:

CATHI:
I am glad to see that I do have a few readers. Cathi, no problem on your email; I read them all, sort or long. I am on AOL and our discussion group sometimes gets wound up on a topic, the emails go on for paragraphs and paragraphs. I believe in writing as I talk; sometimes I ramble, so I have no problem with others who express their views.

SCOTT:
I do not see the little icon on your site, so I assume it did not go through to you on the second try, either. If you have any ideas on how to send it again, I will be happy to comply.

FELIX:
I just finished reading your latest post, and am contemplating what I can do for you. Do not be surprised when I make my move.

EXCUSES, EXCUSES:

ME, AWOL:
Where have I been all week? Felix and I had a very busy week this last week. One day he had to take his vehicke in to the dealer for service. I had to make a big adjustment in my schedule for two days to accomodate him. The first evening I had to go to bed early so I could get up early the next day to take him to work. Then I had to drive back over to pick him up at his quitting time and deliver him to the dealership to pick up the vehicle. That evening, I was so damned tired that I went to be early, voluntarily.

That took me away from the computer for two nights. The other two nights I can only plead "senior moment", I simply forgot about posting to this blog.

WHAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND LATELY?
I have been watching the History Channel a lot lately. The ending of WWII has been on my mind a lot. Have we come a long way since then? Is it possible to have another World War? I think the answer to both questions is an unequivocal "YES". I do believe we will become involved in another World War. Does that surprise you? I think the attitude of our American Government will get us into that war.

Our actions in Iraq seem to be indicate that America and it's Government can do no wrong. In truth, our actions in Iraq are ALL WRONG. We have no business even being there. There were no Weapons of Mass Destruction found. Were any WMD's there in the first place? You should wonder. You should be damn sure to make a better choice in 2008. America will pay the price for it's inaction.

GASOLINE PRICES:
Maybe we are already paying that price. How high is the cost of gasoline at your favorite service station? Will the price go higher? I think it will. How high? Well, check out the cost of gasoline in Europe. They have already been paying over three bucks a gallon for a long time. I read a news article today that quoted a driver as saying that it took $78 bucks to fill her/his Ford Expedition. That would cause me to head to my nearest auto dealer and make a trade.

A CURE FOR AIDS??
I just heard a story on the news that said that medical science has made progress in finding a cure for AIDS. They say a drug used for another medical problem is showing that administering that drug does decrease the AIDS in patients. The study was only done in 4 patients; but if this proves out in a larger study, we should all rejoice. HOWEVER, THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT CAUTION CAN BE THROWN TO THE WIND. WE STILL NEED TO EXERCIZE PRECAUTION IN OUR SEXUAL ACTIVITIES.

See you again on Saturday.

DID YOU WATCH?

Did you watch the final episode of "Queer as Folk"? We did, and had mixed feelings about the outcome of the show. Felix and I hated to see the show end. I felt sorry for Brian Kinney. He tried to change to please the person he loved most; but even that wasn't what Justin wanted. Justin didn't really know what he wanted from Brian or from his self.

All the actors were sorry to see the end of the series; but they knew it was coming. All good things must come to an end. Even our lives, our loves and ourselves. It is sad to say this; because we all wish the good times would continue to roll. That just isn't the way real live is.

The most experienced actor/actress on that show has seen more than one good series fold. I think her most successful TV series was "Cagney & Lacey". Sharon Gless starred in that show with Tyne Daly for a number of years, so many, that I can not remember. I still have some old video tapes of that show. I loved the characters, in fact, I believe Cagney & Lacey is the show that paved the way for many of the new cop shows like "Law & Order". She knows the pain of ending a series. Over the years, the actors become good friends. They work so closely that they become family. I guess that is why Hollywood people tend to have so many marriages.

I am going to miss the silliness of Peter Paige who played Emmet Honeycutt, and of course, the cute Randy Harrison who played Justin. I am going to miss the bubbly Debbie, played by Sharon Gless and the almost always sensible character of Teddy portrayed by Scott Lowell. I am going to miss them all. Felix and I have TiVo 'd the entire series from the first episode to the last. I will make a DVD library of the series and we may watch it again in a few years. I almost cried a couple of times during the last show. I have ended a few relationships of my own and I am here to tell you that it is a difficult part of life. Brian Kinney seems to be doomed to be eternally single and a man who fucks every other man who will let him.

Actually, I know a guy like that. He seems unable to settle down, although he has professed true love for at least 4 men over the years. Brian's life will never have true substance, and neither will anyone else who emulates that lifestyle.

That must have been a difficult series to do for the gay men in the cast. There is no way I could have done some of those scenes without springing a rock hard-on. I am sure there were a few times when they did; but we never saw it. Why is it that you can show a completely nude woman; but can't show frontal nudity of a man? Is there a double standard out there?

Good bye, Queer as Folk, you will be missed and probably never equaled.

AUGUST 6, 1945

How many of you remember that date? How many of you were even alive on that date? I seriously believe that there are some of you who do not have any idea what that date is all about. It is the date that the United States of America dropped the Atom Bomb on the city of Hiroshima, Japan. No, I don't really remember that date; but I was almost 5 years of age. What an awesome thing, the Atom Bomb. Now, ask me if I am proud of dropping the bomb. NO, I am not proud of the taking of thousands of innocent civilian lives; but I am happy that it was the start of the ending of WWII. There is a controversary over whether the bomb was necessary. Some people put forth the idea that Japan was already considering surrender. I have no idea if that is true.

I was too young to realize what a world war was all about; but as I grew a bit older I do have recollections of the mock bombing raids that were held over our city in Illinois. I remember being told that we all were to stay inside for two days because the Army Air Corps was going to fly low over our city to train their pilots and bombadiers. Somehow our city resembled some far off target that they were preparing for. I can only guess what planes were used; but I do know some of them were big B-29s. There were many small planes as well. They flew in a West to East direction. They were about 400 feet above the houses. I know; because I snuck out on the back porch to watch the action. Then I remember running inside crying. It was a very intimidation experience for a little boy. No pun intended, there. About a month later the activity was repeated.

When I was in high school we had some kind of infestation of a tree killing beetle, I almost hate to say "Japanese Beetle"; but I think it was. Again everyone was ordered to stay inside while some crop dusting plane, not a small plane; but something larger than a DC-6 flew over the town at about 200 feet in an attempt to spray a chemical that would kill the beetle. There were people stationed at opposite sides of the town with large helium inflated balloons to guide the plane. He would line up with the two ballons and fly a straight line, then circle around and make a pass in the other direction. After each pass, the balloons were moved about 100 feet. I remember looking out the window of our chemestry lab at the big red balloon at the North end of town.

Remembering the earlier experience of the war planes flying over our city in a mock bombing exercize, I was somewhat hesitant to even be in school that day. I would rather have been home hiding under the bed.

"War is Hell". You have heard the phrase before. WWII was "won". I use that word hesitatntly; because I am not sure if the United States won the war or if the Japanese won it. Look at our economy and the world trade situation today, and you tell me.

A nuclear war can not be won. I kill you, you kill me, we kill the entire population of the earth. Who wins? Only the bugs that may survive the nuclear holocaust.

So, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL ARE WE DOING IN IRAQ? Why can't the people of this third rock from the sun learn a lesson? Damn stupid politics. We, the people, are the pawns in their fucking game. We are expendable. It makes no sense to me.

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR

SURPRISED, AND RUNNING SHORT OF TIME

I was surprised by the number of visitors I had on Wednesday. One never knows what I may be raving about on any particular day, so stop by often to see what this old man has to say. I could take today's post in a number of directions; but I think I will stay kind of on the subject of Wednesday's post.

Yes, I do believe that we take a lot for granted. As children, we tend to think of ourselves as indestructable. Time goes by so slowly and we believe that our present situation will always stay the same. Little do we know, as young children how much our lives will change. Somewhere along the line we loose our grandparents. A natural part of life occurs, it is called death. We still have our parents to console us, to tell us that everything will be all right. Mommy and daddy are still here for us and we will be OK.

We go to school and face the bullies and confrontations of living in a world that is a bit different from our own. Every family has their own way of raising children. Those ways may not be the same as we were raised, so sooner or later, confrontation enters our life. We learn to deal with it, with the help of our parents. Then, the inevitable happens; we grow older and just at about the time we are becomming settled in our lives, we loose our parents to the same phenomenon, death.

We all have different ways of coping with death; but death is not the topic of this post. Rather, my topic is, how are you going to deal with your death? Have you considered the fact that you are going to die, you are going to leave loved ones; just as you were once left, to cry and question why death had to take you. I can answer the question of why. It is a natural happening and from the moment you were born, you were destined to die. Not exactly a pleasant thought, is it?

The more important issue is, are you prepared to deal with it? Are you ready to, "kick the bucket" as the phrase goes? Do you have your travelling papers in order?

Many of my readers are gay, as am I. But that does not mean that you do not love someone, that you do not have worldly posessions that you wish to pass on to the person you love. It makes no difference if you are 19 or 91, you may die at any moment. You could be in an automobile crash, or an airplane could drop out of the sky; no one knows what moment their life will be ended. That decision is not yours to make.

Prepare a will and other papers that give your wishes on these things. Don't leave your life to question. Let those left behind know what you want done with your things. Show them that you care about them before it is too late to make that decision.

It is so easy to get mad and say "God this" or " God that"; but do you know what you are talking about? Do you care? Yes, there is a God and God will make the decision on whether you will spend your eternity in Heaven or hell. Have you thought about that? Do you have any idea where you will spend eternity? Eternity is a long, long time my friend. Give some consideration as to where you will spend it.

Is this a weird post for a gay man to write? No, not really. I was born gay, I had no decision in the matter; I made a decision to accept God into my life and became a Christian. Being gay, does not remove me from God. Anyone can accept God, even YOU.

HOW CONTENT ARE YOU ?? WHEN WILL IT END ??

How content are you? How happy are you? Are you safe, well fed, comfortable? Are you thankful for your present condition? Yanno, many of us Americans take our present status for granted. I have been watching a lot of the History Channel and the National Geographic Channel lately and have realized that many people do not have it so good as I do; and most probably, as you do.

Just 7 months ago a huge Tsunami caused billion of dollars of damage and killed thousands of people. That did not happen in America. It happened somewhere else.

Airplanes have killed hundreds of people; those crashes occured in England, Scotland, Korea, Japan and elsewhere; but those things did not happen in America.

Bombs have gone off in the English Underground; but that was there, not in America.

OK, what was the greatest recent tragedy in America. The World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. Did that affect you? I hope not; but even if it did, you are still here reading my words. I am not trying to trivialize that tragedy, I am trying to make a point that you are still here, are still able to read this blog, are still working your job, etc.

Sometimes we take our situation for granted and do not show our appreciation to "The Man Upstairs" as we should. God has been good to us, He has not punished for our transgressions as He did those in "biblical times".

I am not pushing church attendance, religion or any such thing. I am only saying that I have become aware how "blessed" we have been here in America. We have not had to fight a war on our mainland. Yes, I am aware of Pearl Harbor. That was in Hawaii, an American posession at the time. I am afraid that our time may come.

We invaded a soverign country when we invaded Iraq. I believe we will eventually pay a high price for that. Who will exact that price from us? I do not know; but I believe in the laws of nature. "What goes up, must come down." "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Were we justified in that invasion? I am not even going there with this post, I am only raising the question of when will it end for us. I know there were wars in biblical times and God was on one side or another. David slew Goliath. I could go on; I know the bible. I will not attempt to make any determination. I only ask you one question; are you thankful to Almighty God for the blessings he has given you? I am, every day.

Personal note to Scott: You have email.