VACATION

I will be spending the next week on vacation. I may be home and post; but I may not be home or anywhere near a computer. The complete details are not final; but Felix is on vacation from the sweat shop and I want to accomodate him as much as possible. Maybe that will mean 7 days of good oral sex or seven days of playing with the cats. That is up to him.

I am going to treat him to a big home cooked meal Friday evening. It is Thanksgiving for us; well only in the sense that I am roasting a turkey and making bread dressing. The potatos will be handled by my special potato salad that he loves. Right now, I need to get my butt into the kitchen and start preparation. Yeah, I know it is Thursday night; but some things can be prepared ahead of time, or at the very least, some preparation can be done.

Short post, short of time and short . . . . well don't ask.

UNDER THE WEATHER

I have been under the weather the past couple of days and that is the reason I have missed posting. On Tuesday I woke up early, when Felix was preparing for work and I had a bit of problem going back to sleep. Finally, when I woke up at noon, I was in a panic. I had had a very bad dream that made no sense to me. I have never been in the place I dreamed about and do not what accounted for the weird thoughts. Honestly, I was in a panic.

I got up, skipped my medications and called Felix on the cell phone. I just wanted to be sure that he was still there and I was really awake. It took me nearly 30 minutes to get my thoughts together and completely realize that I was OK.

Tuesday night, I wanted to get out of the house, after the experience in the AM, I needed a change of scenery. We went out for burgers, the last thing I should have eaten; but I needed some reasssurance that things were OK. Somehow I think the bad experience was related to the medicine I take; but this will be the first time in over 6 years that I have had such an experience. Anyway, things are back to normal now, and it is later than I wish; so I will wish you all well, go get a drink, take my medications and slip between the sheets. I wish I could do a bit more; but.....

You do it for me, OK?

FAIRIED TOPICS - MAKE THAT VARIED TOPICS

TOPIC ONE

The popularity contest is over. Some people called it The Greatest American poll. It was a popularity contest. I did predict the winner correctly; Ronald Reagan. I will admit that he had a good personality, well, after all he was an actor. At his funeral, Nancy showed that she really loved the guy. She stuck by him all during his long illness. I give her great credit for that. I can't help but wonder about his temper behind closed doors. Was he always such a nice guy. Think back to the early to mid 1950s when he turned in some of his Hollywood cohorts to the McCarthy commission. Was that right or wrong?

TOPIC TWO

Blogs. How many other blogs do you read? I read about 10 each day and find that some of those folks have as much problem finding interesting topics to talk about as I do. Yanno, this is not an easy thing to do. When it comes to putting our daily activities into a blog most of us do not lead as interesting lives as we think. Our daily lives are boring. Face it, how many of you are bedding a new stud each evening? For that matter, how many of you are bedding a different stud each weekend? You single guys really don't get as much nookie as you pretend to. I remember the stories from high school; all the lies that the guys told to make themselves seem like studs.

Face it fellas, what do we do that is so important that we want to share with the rest of the world? Most of us do the same things as everyone else. We work, we eat, we sleep and we play with our .. .. . . TIVOs. You thought I was going to say something else didn't you, trash mind? Yeah, well, we do that, too. In fact, most likely you do that more than anything else. I do have some expertise in that subject, too.

TOPIC THREE

This is the important part of the post, tonight. Felix and I had a pretty good time this weekend. We ate out and ate out. This weekend I felt more free that I have for the past two months, even thought I had two overheating episodes. I guess we kinda overdid it a bit; but I am so looking forward to more time with Felix during the Fourth of July week. I can hardly wait for Felix to be on vacation that week. We are planning on a couple of good meals and a trip to prison. WHAT? Yep, we are planning to go to prison that week.

OK, what are we going to prison for; well, to visit a friend who is there. I have known this fella for about 20 years. He was a classmate of my son's. His release date is about two years away and Felix and I are very happy to see that coming. Of course, the question I have is how well he will be able to blend into society after his time away. This is not going to be easy for him. Felix and I are going to do as much for him as we can; but there is only so much anyone can do for him. The major responsibility will be his. I do not envy him in that respect.

I will not identify this fella or tell too much about what put him in prison; but I remember an incident that occurred before his imprisonment. His brother actually tried to kill him in a rigged automobile. I have visited him in 9 different locations in this state. That is normal for any state to transfer prison inmates around every few years. Our state used to allow the inmates of different cell houses to have picnics for their friends and relatives once a year. I had the privilege of attending two of these events before they cancelled the whole idea. I attended one picnic that was held deep within the prison yard. I mean, us visitors went where the average citizen had never been before. It was a bit scary; but I felt privileged to be allowed to be there.

I guess, what I am trying to tell you with all this is to not turn your back on people who have violated the laws of the land. Just because they made a mistake that put them behind bars, is no reason to reject them from your friendship. Everyone is entitled to live their lives in their own way and at times we al make mistakes. Unfortunately, some of those mistakes have grave consequences. I will leave you with this; we are all in this life together. Do not judge your fellow traveller in this journey.

"Judge not, lest ye be judged."

THE GREATEST AMERICAN - YEAH, RIGHT

Have you been following the latest fiasco on the Discovery Channel and AOL.com called "the Greatest American"? It is my contention that the thing has deteriorated into a popularity contest. I mean, who did more for America, Thomas Edison who has patents for hundreds of items, including the AC light bulb, the phonograph, the movie projector or Ronald Reagan, who fired all the Air Traffic Controllers?

Now don't get me wrong, just because I am a registered Democrat and very proud of the fact; I am not necessarily anti Ronald Reagan or anti Martin Luther King. I think the "greatest American" thing has become a popularity poll. The people voting have voted for the person they think is the most popular for them, not necessarily for the person who has done things for society and civilization. MLK, as an example was a very strong individual and put his life on the line in many instances where he stood up for the civil rights of the underprivileged blacks. Yes, I agree that they were downtrodden and denied equal rights; but Abraham Lincoln put his life on the line and gave his life in the fight for equal rights and the freedom of slaves.

It is absolutely amazing to me how mainstream America can be told that something is black and then turn right around and say that it is not black. In a few days, the not black will turn into white. When did the "dumbing down of America" start? Better yet, where will it end? Smirky the Chimp has told us that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction; but they were never found. He blamed the September 11 tragedy on Saddam Hussein, or was it the guy from Afghanistan or was it Jerry Falwell and the purple telletubbies? Maybe it was that damn pet goat that kept him imprisoned in the classroom. How far down the sewer is America going to go before we wake up and smell the coffee?

I don't care who wins the TV poll anymore than I care if Smirky the Chimp runs free in the Washington D.C. Zoo. I mean, what else would you call our U. S. Government other than a zoo? They say that gay men have indiscriminate sex. Have you taken a look at your congressman lately? These are the people who hand down the laws of the land, they tell you what you can do and what you can't do, what you can look at and what you can't. They decide that a picture of a nude man is pornographic; because you can see his entire ass. Wow, we got to see an ass. I see them all the time on the front page of the newspaper in stories about Congress. Meanwhile these idiots are running around Washington D.C. fucking every prostitute they can find while telling their wives they are celebate.

And what pisses me off about all this is that America believes this bullshit. Those sweet little old ladies that are our mothers and grandmothers believe that Smirky is Billy Sunday incarnate. If gay America was as promiscous as Washington DC, we would be fucking our balls off every night. When will people be able to make up their own minds about polls, decisions and politics?

YOU ASKED FOR IT, YOU GOT IT

Well folks, Scott did it, Buckaroo did it and I did not wish to be left out, so I did it. What did I do? i published 100 things you did not need to know. They are in the post below this one.

At the very top of the list is the fact that I love Felix.

I wrote this list a couple of nights ago and just remembered to post it tonight. Felix and I have been very busy with a problem with a DVR - TIVO box we have. It is made by a company called HUMAX. I must be fair to the company, they realized the box was in need of repair the very first time I contacted them.

The box would reboot and reboot and not accept the information about our network; which it needed to access the TIVO database. We have two other TIVO boxes and they work perfectly; but they are TIVO only boxes. This one is a DVD recorder as well. That part worked perfectly; but the basic electronics is what gave us the problem. Not only did we have the continuous reboot problem; but every now and then the transmission to the TV would freeze. Some of this is to be expected with digital TV; but this problem was excessive.

Digital TV is not perfected, let me assure you of this. The FCC is forcing the move to all digital TV in 2009, I believe. I can give you the exact date tomorrow. All of our analog TV's will become obsolete at that time. TV stations must have their digital systems working by this certain date. Then, the FCC will require them to move to their new frequency and will reassign their analog frequency to other services. There is a big push to make more frequencies available for services. UPS is wanting to track pacakages by RF (radio frequency) means. Other package delivery services are in on this, as well. Digital radio is already here; but there is no definite date to end analog service.

Progress is not always good; but I can assure you that progress is a pain in the ass. A royal pain in the ass. This DVR - TIVO box is part of the move to digital. You can make live TV DVDs from your TIVO drive, from a digital TV camera or from your computer. The DVR takes DVR- disks. We bought the wrong ones and had to take them back when we got home and opened the box. Fun Fun. I keep telling Felix that I am going to put a TV camera on his dresser, let him put on a show on his bed and then make DVDs available for the public. Sort of like Emmett did on Queer as Folk. Wait till he reads this, he will kill me.

Anyway, the HUMAX people told me to send the unit in and they would replace it. I had two options, one was for them to send me a new unit and put a charge on my credit card. Then when they got my old unit, they would remove the charge. I chose the second option of sending the old unit in and wait for them to send me a new one. I should have it in one week. This is a company that knows they had a problem with the original box and are doing everything to help the consumer that bought one.

Btw, the DVDs that the unit produces are flawless. I am very happy with the final disks. I have some wild ideas for this product, all within the morales and legalities of the law. No jack off videos of Felix. Who knows, I may even be able to suppliment my income. That would be fantastic. And it would not violate my standing with the good old Social Security people.

100 THINGS YOU REALLY DID NOT NEED TO KNOW

First and foremost, I love Felix.

1. I was born, raised and have lived in Madison County Illinois all my life.
2. I am an only child from my mother and father.
3. My mom and dad were divorced when I was 4.
4. I have 3 half brothers from my dad's 2nd marriage.
5. I have no idea where they live today.
6. Both mom and dad have passed away.
7. in fact, my only living relatives are my son and my cousin.
8. I have never traveled much.
9. I have travelled in Illinois, Missouri, Indiana, Wisconsin, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, Oklahoma and Texas.
10. I can remember back to when I was 4 years old and my paternal grandparents took me to a movie in the big city of St. Louis. I dropped candy wrappers over the edge of the balcony on the heads of the people below.
11. I have never been in the military.
12. I did work for the U. S. Army as a civilian employee.
13. I had a top secret clearance; but only saw one top secret document in my entire career.
14. When I was about 10 years old, I fell out of a tree and hit my head. Couldn't you tell.
15. Mom owned a duplex and a small apartment over garages on the rear of the lot.
16. I lived in all three places.
17. When I was 4 years old, I lived with my paternal grandparents for the summer while mom worked.
18. When I was 5, mom moved us in with my maternal grandmother.
19. I had a ball chasing her chickens.
20. On Sundays, we had chicken dinner.
21. I met many kids that I later went to high school with when I lived with grandma.
22. I met the man who later became my high school principal. He rented an apartment from my Grandmother.
23. After mom got things straightened out, we moved back to our own house.
24. I was sick a lot during grade school.
25. I was scared a lot during junior high. It was a rough place where the 8th graders really picked on the 7th graders. One guy got raped by 8th graders.
26. I was not athletic at all. I hated sports.
27. During junior high we were required to take swimming lessons. NAKED. Whether you swam or not, you stripped naked and sat on the bleachers. A hard concrete bench.
28. We moved back with my maternal grandmother two weeks before I graduated junior high.
29. I commuted by streetcar for the last two weeks of junior high.
30. I changed school systems and attended high school in that town.
31. I got by with murder in high school.
32. The principal, the teachers, and nearly all the staff had known me when I was 5.
33. I graduated in the upper half of the class; a class of 22.
34. Our world history teacher once asked me to tell her everything I knew about the Crimea River. I said it was a record by Julie London. I got to visit the principal.
35. I thought it was funny. So did the class. Even the principal had to chuckle.
36. I had a big fight with the class president when we were juniors.
37. In our junior class play I got to have a mock fight with him and punch him in the stomach. The drama teacher would not allow him to pad his stomach. He had a hard time getting up from the stage floor. The entire audience laughed.
38. When I graduated high school, the president of the school board gave out the diplomas. With his back turned to the audience, he jokingly said he thought I would never have made it.
39. No one ever knew what we were laughing about.
40. I learned to drive a car when I was 17.
41. I learned to masturbate when I was 8.
42. I bought my first new car when I was 18.
43. One of my schoolmates stripped the oil plug when the car was 6 months old. What a dick.
44. I worked as a professional photographer after high school.
45. My next job was in the IBM machine field. I learned electronics and the old IBM machines.
46. I had one auto accident. I did not call the cops. The other driver denied being involved. He had no insuranceSince I lived in a small town, the cops threw the other guy in jail.
47. I got married at age 23.
48. I was in love with the girl.
49. We adopted a newborn boy.
50. I knew I was gay and tried to change for her.
51. It didn't work.
52. We got divorced.
53. I finally met the love of my life.
54. His name is Felix.
55. Felix and i have been a couple for 16 years.
56. We bought a house and have been living together for the last 8 years.
57. We have 6 children. Actually 6 cats.
58. We love them and treat them as though they were our children.
59. We adopted the oldest male cat from the Humane Society.
60. A pregnant female wondered into our yard looking for food.
60. Felix felt sorry for her, we fed her and kept her. She gave us 4 of the cutest little kittens you have ever seen.
61. Our kitties are truely pampered pets. Two go outside on leashes and the 4 youngsters have never had their little feet touch earth.
62. Even though Felix is younger than I, he is much more level headed and secure.
63. I have had a stroke, cancer and cancer surgery. It left me with a colostomy and took my ability to have sex.
64. Yes, I am very insecure because of that.
65. The doctors all say that I am one of the lucky ones, the cancer seems to be gone.
66. I have had two very difficult sessions of radiation, 5 weeks, each session. One session included sticking the radiation probe up my ass. Think beer can size. Thank God for anesthesia.
67. After the radiation, I had a full chemo treatment. That took 12 weeks.
68. I retired from being an electrician, electronics technician early because of my physical condition.
69. My favorite number.
70. I have actually lost track of the number of jobs I have held.
71. Electricians usually work out of the union hall and some jobs do not last long.
72. My shortest job lasted the grand total of two weeks.
73, I like many kinds of music.
74. Yanni is my favorite. I have all his CDs and never miss a concert when he is in St. Louis.
75. When a teenager, I played Rock and Roll until it drove the neighbors nuts.
76. Rock and Roll means Elvis, Little Richard, and Chuck Berry. All the greats of the 50s.
77. In high school I was the DJ that played the 78s and 45s at the dances. That is where I became attached to the microphone.
78. I was a ham then, and am a HAM now.
79. I have owned two brand new convertibles.
80. I once was in a drag race with an identical rag top on a main thoroughfare in St. Louis. I won.
81. I will never do stupid stunts like that again.
82. I totaled one car by driving too fast on wet pavement.
83. I walked away from the wreck with only a small scratch on my hand; but was covered in broken glass.
84. I cried when the insurance company totaled that car. I got paid for it; but I loved that car.
85. Felix and I bought a TIVO machine with a built in DVD recorder.
86. It does not work right.
87. The digital picture fromt he TIVO machine breaks up into small digital blocks at times.
88. I hate intermittent problems like that. They are so difficult to troubleshoot.
89. You should know by now that I love food.
90. I have recently been diagnosed as having gout. The doctor has restricted my beef intake. DAMN.
91. I love baked chicken with bread dressing.
92. My favorite place to eat chicken is a restaurant called "Chicken Shit Hill". That is not the real name; but all the regulars know it by that name.
93. I cried when Felix and I watched the movie, "Philadelphia".
94. I do cry easily at sentimental stories, movies and situations.
95. I believe in God; but find it difficult to trust all things to him.
96. We, Felix and I, have not been to church in 6 years.
97. There is no Metropolitan Community Church in our area.
98. I find it difficult to keep up with daily postings on my blog.
99. I miss my mother.
100. I try to live life one day at a time. Not the easiest thing to do.

YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE ONE I LOVE
MY PRECIOUS FELIX

I remember a song from my past; I think it was recorded by "Something Smith and the Redheads" and the first two lines were; "YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE, THE ONE YOU SHOULDN'T HURT AT ALL". That describes me to a "T" lately. I have been carrying an extra load of worry and Felix and I have had harsh words nearly every day for the past week. I could kill myself for saying harsh words to him; because I love him so.

Felix doesn't let his inside feelings show; but he worries, too. I wish he would stop with the fake humor and his attempt to cheer me up; because the things I am worrying about need to be addressed. Maybe I am taking the whole thing too seriously; but I am worried about our financial situation. Being on a fixed income and locked in to a "disability" situation, I am prevented from finding any extra work where I can earn extra income. I need to juggle our finances and come up with some creative way to save money until some extra bills are paid off.

Felix has done more than just come into my life and share his love with me, he has saved my life when I had a stroke and he has been there with me and for me ever since. I do not how to shake my worry and show my love like I should. No one on this earth deserves my love more than Felix. He knows that, and he knows I love him; but it hurts me so bad when I say the wrong words to him. I know that words hurt and can never be retracted. No matter how many times you say, "I am sorry"; the damage of the harsh words have been done.

FELIX, I AM SO SORRY FOR MY ANGER AND FUCKING BAD ATTITUDE. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I need patience and tolerance. The two things that I thought I had; but it is obvious now that I don't. You know how worried I am and we need to sit down and work out a plan to save money.

Money, isn't that the thing that most couples argue about? Next to sex and infidelity, money is the second most prevalent thing that cause divorce. Trust me, the very last thing I want is to lose my precious Felix. We are going to have to tighten our belt and suffer through without a few of the goodies for a while. I hate that; but I don't know of any other way to get over this hump for the next 18 months. Eighteen months, that sounds like a lifetime; but it can be over with sooner than we think.

HELP, SOMEONE MAKE A 28 HOUR DAY

I owe my readers an apology for being so busy lately. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day for me to get everything done. But, I do have a good reason, so if you care, read on.

I have a friend named Paul who is, also, a radio technician. Paul is single and overweight. Paul weighs 470 pounds. That is not a type, he weighs four hundred seventy pounds. Paul is ashamed of his weight; but is unable to diet. When he begins to feel sorry for himself, he does what drowns his sorrow, he eats. Well, a full belly makes almost everyone happy. Just think back to last Thanksgiving after you filled your tummy with turkey. What did you do? You took a nap on the living room couch, right?

Paul had been feeling ill last Monday and caled me. I told him that the symptoms he described sounded like a TIA, a mini stroke. I advised him to call his doctor and demand to be treated at the emergency room innediately. Paul laughed it off. On Tuesday, he had the same loss of hearing and eyesight for about 10 minutes. He called his mother. She came over and found him in the middle of the bedroom floor, unable to get up. She called the ambulance and they took him to the local hospital, sort of an animal clinic. I wouldn't go there for anything except to be stabilized and transported to a real hospital.

Due to his weight, the Air Evac unit was unable to transport him in a helicoptor. They had to call another ambulance and transport him by ambulance to the major medical centers in St. Louis, MO. While waiting for the ambulance or on the way over, he got so upset that he had a mini heart attack. He did not want to go to the hospital. Paul is one of the most stubborn or possibly most stupid people I know. When he arrived at the medical center, he had another heart attack in their ER.

He is, now, in an ICU unit and has been there for the last 10 days. They have him sedated heavily because of his fits of attitude. If he could, he would tear the IVs out of his arm and climb out of bed and walk out, probably buck naked; but he would make a run for it. Paul is a very dear friend of mine; but he really doesn't think clearly when he gets these fits of depression. I failed to mention that he is bi-polar and does not take his medication as directed by his doctor. Well, now, he will take everything they shove in the IV and he can't do a damn thing about it.

We are all worried about Paul. It is the machines that are keeping him alive for now and we don't know which way this is going to go. The doctors at the medical center want to do a cardiac cath on him; but due to his weight, are unable to do it. Will his dogged will be able to pull him through this or are the odds just too great? I am worried sick. I have talked with his mother and have told you everything she has told me. We are praying for him every day; but this is a matter that is going to be decided by a greater power than mortal man. The doctors are doing everything they know how to do. Paul's fate is left in the hands of God.

That is a very rough decision for all of us. We want to do something; but all we can do is pray.

BACK AGAIN, HOW LONG WILL I STAY

I am glad to have Internet service again. I guess I am an Internet junkie and a first class nerd. It is very difficult for me to live without my computer and Internet service. If I am not surfing radio sites or blogging, I am searching for pictures of cute naked bois with big appendages. Well, you know what I mean.

Lately, I have been using KEYHOLE a lot. That is a program that shows the entire world from the satellites far above the earth. And you can zoom in for a close up of any house or automobile you want. It is really neat. Once I start fiddling with KEYHOLE I can't seem to stop. The only thing that calls my surfing to a halt is the early morning hour and I am overdue for beddie bye. Usually about 2 in the morning. Oh, there are no naked bois to see on KEYHOLE. In fact, I can't recall seeing any actual people in the satellite view. I see many vehicles on the Interstates and roads; I see airplanes at the airports and USAF bases; I see the John F. Stenis Carrier at San Deigo; but I guess the people would be such a small footprint as to be almost invisible.

I have blogged about this program before. It has streaming video from the main computer server for the National Geographic site. It is worth the $29 bucks only if you are a snoop like me. I like to see what is going on in the rest of the world. I now know where Bill Gates lives and can send him a letter complaining about my dirty Windows. I don't think it is the fault of the OS at all, I think the blogger program sucks. Don't leave the screen you are writing to or you will loose everything you have written.

On the ISP loss, we were without service for 28 hours. That sucks, too. The nice thing is that the TV service stayed active. It was only the Internet service that got fucked up. Most likely it was the fault of the backbone that serves Charter Communications. I understand that their entire service area lost the Internet. If people ask for a cut on their monthly bill, Charter will be out some big bucks.

When I started this blog, I warned you that it was going to have the ranting and ravings of an old queer. Well, that is what this post is all about. I wish I could tell you about my wild sex life and who I fucked lately; but; damn, no such luck. I am looking for a way to publish my sex life memoirs here in the blog. I doubt I would be able to post such but I know you would have a rise in your levis if I could. The major problem is that the memoirs are about my teenage years; even down to my start of sexual activity at age 8. Even though it is me that I am talking about, it still could fall in the catagory of underage sex. I have no desire to get involved in that brou ha ha.

OK BOIS AND GIRLS,
MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR,
AND DO IT OFTEN.

WEDNESDAY, THE WORLD WENT AWAY

This post is being written with MickeySoft Word. Someone please ask me why. We have not had Internet service since 2:00 Wednesday afternoon. It is now 11:45 PM and we still do not have Internet service. I do not know what is wrong; but it is not a localized thing. Charter seems to have no Internet service in all of the St. Louis, MO coverage area. Very frustrating for an Internet junkie like me.

Felix was just as upset when he got home from the salt mine. I will not repeat the comments he made; but he has more of a right to complain than I do, seeing that it is his employers money that pays our Internet bill. If it were me paying the bill, I would ask for a reduction in my monthly bill and if this continues into Thursday, I will encourage him to seek a reduction in the bill.

Life without Internet is quite boring. No naked boi pictures, no email, no AOL Instant Messaging with my friend in Korea; this just sucks. Speaking about the friend in Korea; I am surprised he hasn’t come down with a permanent STD. This boy will fuck anything with a dick on it. I am waiting until he sends me a picture of him being fucked by a donkey. He is a confirmed bottom and loves a rock hard dick up his ass. All I can say in his defense is that I hope he uses protection.

To hear him talk, there is a gay bathhouse on every corner of every street in Korea. He goes to one every weekend and gets his balls fucked off. I don’t think he is into fisting; but the bigger the dick, the better he likes it. Me, I am a top and Felix likes me that way. It is a shame that the surgery did what it did. I compensate by sucking Felix as much as he will allow it. That, and a dildo up his fanny usually makes him happy.

On a personal note, one of my very good friends is fighting for his life in the hospital. He has had two heart attacks in the last week and is in ICU. I am very, very, concerned about him. I do not understand why God allows this to happen. Why does God allow a child to suffer cancer? When I was undergoing chemo in four years ago, I remember seeing a child, no more than two years old being brought in by his mother and father and hooked up to the gizmos for treatment. I do not understand why this must happen. Why must that child suffer like that? Why must his life be taken at such a young age?

I have learned not to question God. It just doesn’t pay. God is God and He will run the show. If you try to take over and out think or out guess God, you are going to loose big time. He knows all and you are just a mere human. I speak with a great amount of knowledge on this subject. My life was a mess when I tried to take matters into my own control. When I gave Him control of my life, things began to make sense and run a lot better. See, the secret I have is that; I know who He is and I know who I am. That puts it all into perspective.

BUSY, BUSY BUSY-- -- -- AND HAPPY

It has been very busy for the past three days. I have not had the free time to post to my blog, as many of you have already determined. Felix called home today, about 2:30 this afternoon; with the news that the Michael Jackson verdict would be announced at 3:30 St. Louis time. I turned on the TV to CNN and logged on to AOL. Both services had live video from the scene.

It was interesting to TRY to watch AOL. As more and more subscribers logged on, the video feed got slower and slower. Finally, ABC who was feeding AOL began to cut to still photos with live audio over the picture. Poor AOL, they just can't keep up with the demand of more and more subscribers. I focused my attention to the CNN live coverage. As the members of Jackson's family filed into the court house, AOL showed the same scenes. The AOL pictures lagged CNN's video by as much as 15 seconds and it was very jerky. As far as computer video has come, it still lags live TV very badly. I am not sure where the actual blames lies; AOL's mass number of susbscribers dragging down their system or just the fact that computers are not great video displays.

I am glad to have heard the decision of the Micheal Jackson jury. I said a vew days ago that the prosecution had not proven any case against Jackson, and today, the jury agreed with me. Does that make me a great legal mind or just a lucky guess? I will leave that to you; but from my own opinion, I would say that it was just a lucky hope. I hoped Michael would be innocent of such charges.

The whole damn world thinks that gay men are the child molesters of the world. That is just not the real facts. Gay men are no more child molesters than your own mother. Child molesters are mostly straight men and women. Just because a gay man is born with a desire to love other men does not make him desire to fuck little boys or girls. This is just more of the of the gay bashing of gay men by the breeders of the U. S. of A.

What kept me from posting to this blog for the past couple of days is that I have been busy with radio issues. We had a local convention, which I not only attended, but helped host. We had to arranged many details, not only food; but display of wares by many distributors. This happens once a year, and I am quite happy that it is over for this year. I should not have to go through with this, again, until June 2006.

Now, my advise to Michael Jackson is this. Very simply, Michael censor your comments to the press and public and stop opening your home to others. Neverland is a wonderful park for children, and there is no need to close it; but close the doors of your home to those who visit the park. I wonder, Mike, have you ever thought of finding another partner with which you could share your live, your home and your bed. Felix is mine, and I love him more every day.

NOT GUILTY

Mikie walks free.

Michael Jackson is not guilty on all 10 counts. I am amazed. As I said, the prosecution did not present a very convincing case. If the people of that county reelect that bozo they are crazy. He has caused millions of dollars go down the drain.

More later.

MISSED THURSDAY

We had a cat get loose from her leash and collar. Felix chewed my ass for taking her out alone. He says I should have waited for him to get home. I guess he is right, i do have difficulty in keeping up with the little fur balls.

Anyway, Felix and I got into a big argument and I just gave up and went to bed early. So, there is my reason for not posting on Thursday night; but I think I made up for it with the Michael Jackson post.

MICHAEL JACKSON TRIAL

I have kept my mouth shut on this subject long enough. Here goes.

IS MICHAEL JACKSON GAY?

Well, he may be. That would be one excuse for such behavior. However, the prosecution has not alleged any such thing. They simply assert that he is a child molester.

HAS THE PROSECUTION PROVEN THEIR CASE?

In my opinion, the prosecution hasn't proven any such thing. In fact, they have succeeded in parading a bunch of liars before the jury. The boy has been proven to be a liar, the boy's mother has been proven to be a liar and the ex employees of MJ have been proven to be liars. How do you convict anyone with witnesses who are proven liars?

WHAT ARE THE ACTUAL FACTS (AS I SEE THEM)?

First, the fact that Michael has rigged alarms to sound of as you approach his bedroom goes against him; however it does discredit the boy's two brothers who claim they caught MJ with his hand up the accusers pants. Michael would have had enough time to correct that situation, if it were true.

Second, there have been many accusations of under age porn to have been found on Michael's computer. The fact is that there was no such thing according to the newspaper wire services. If it were true, the newspapers would have run with it. There were books with pictures of nude males in his bedroom; but they were not under aged boys. Maybe we have a case for Michael to be gay; but that is another issue entirely.

Third, I do not understand how the State of California could allow testimony about a previous accusation. Michael is on trial for this accusation, not some previous action.

Fourth, the prosecution brought into testimony about Michael's finances. What the fuck does that have to do with anything?

WHY IS THE JURY TAKING SO LONG?

In my opinion the jury will come out of the jury room and announce they were unable to reach a decision. Why else would they be in there so long? To debate the charges, one by one. I doubt it. I believe they will be unable to come to a unified decision.

Does that make Michael innocent? NO. It only says that the jury were unable to say that he was guilty without any doubt. See, that is what is so wonderful about our judicial system. Twelve jurors must all say the same thing. Innocent or gulty, they all must agree; and they must reach that decision without leaving any reasonable doubt in their minds.

IF FOUND GUILTY, WILL HE SERVE ANY TIME IN JAIL?

I doubt that Michael will spend any time in jail. This damn prosecutor has spent years trying to convict Michael Jackson of something. I do not know why this idiot has such a hard on for MJ; but he is spending millions of taxpayer dollars trying to push his personal agenda against Michael. Again, my opinion would be to not elect this self serving nut again.

NOW, THE BOTTOM LINE, IS MICHAEL GUILTY?

I really have no idea, I have never seen his bedroom or Neverland Ranch. In fact, I have spent two days trying to find it in the satellite view of Santa Barbara County, only to come up dry. I can not find it. It could be that the good old U. S. Government has chosen to block it out of the view for some dumb reason.

I can only hope that the jurors give Michael Jackson an honest trial. I hope they judge the accusations on the facts presented and not by there emotions or prejudice.

LET'S FACE IT; JACKO IS A BIT OFF THE WALL; BUT THAT APPLIES TO MOST OF CALIFORNIA. The land of fruits and nuts.

LUNCHEON DATE

I apologize for missing a night. I had a big date today and had to get to bed at a decent hour so I could get up a bit earlier than normal. Big date? I had lunck with Felix and one of his coworkers. A very nice lady. They get along fabulously. She is nearly old enough to be Felix's mother; but she has a very young outlook on life and many things in general. We went to one of the local restaurants for lunch and have a very good time. Of course, the main topic of the table conversation was roasting Felix.

I went to the doctor after our lunch and on the way home, in very clear and sunny weather the Interstate was shut down. It seems there was an accident on the bridge that blocked both lanes. A few moments later, another accident shutdown another Interstate in the opposite direction. Today seemed to be the day for accidents. It wasn't all traffic accidents, however, the weather had it's voice in the disruption.

The weather has been hot for the last few days. Today we broke the hot spell for a while. A storm blew through and it blew and blew, a lot of destruction. We had tree limbs down and entire trees downed. Interstate 255 was closed between Interstate 270 and Illinois 162 due to high voltage power lines laying on the highway. It was quite a buou ha ha. The state police were stopping traffic and having 18 wheel trucks back up on the highway. Some traffic was actually directed to run the wrong way on the Interstate. The local police were taxed to the maximum. Felix and I were listening to the scanners, it struck me as kind of comical because the dispatcher was sending the local police on two calls and stacking other callers. The cops were not exactly taking it in stride. They asked for the evening shift to come in early; but the chief vetoed that idea real quickly.

What was the beneficial result, about one inch of rain. We needed it a lot; but we did not need the destruction caused by the wind. We are not out of the wood on that subject. The good old weather bureau says we can expect the same treatment from Mama Nature for the next 4 days. Hey, we need the rain; but not the high winds. I was playing with .... with the cats (what were you thinking?) when the wind started. It really blew hard, the trees began to lose small, loose branches and leaves. I began to fear the prediction of tornadic activity would become reality. Thank God, that did not occur. I told the cats there would be no walk outside today, the weather was going to turn bad. It turned so dark that I had to turn on lights in the living room at 3:30 in the afternoon.

When Felix got home we delayed going out to supper because of all the accidents and weather related destruction outside. We cut our losses and ate a a fast food establishment. Hey, I am proud of myself for getting up early and having a great time at lunch. Felix told me at supper that the lady coworker said I was a nice gentlemen. Quite an actor, I am. LOL.

TO DOTE OR NOT TO DOTE

Do I dote over Felix too much? I really don't have much else to do but take care of my precious Felix. If it were not for him I wouldn't be here today. I try not to take up too much of his time, not to push him into things, not to make decisions for him. Felix is sometimes slow to make decisions because he is afraid of making the wrong one. Trust me, he is a lot more wiser than he gives himself credit for being.

We didn't do too much this weekend. Today was mainly a stay at home day. We had time to take a nap and walk the cats. Well, not all six of them, we only walked the two that wanted to go out. Daddy kitty and momma kitty both wanted to go out so we made sure they each had their chance to roll in the grass, eat a little grass and pick up a few fleas. Disregard that last comment, I hope they have not picked up any fleas.

We had been using one harness and one leash and rotating it between the two cats. Today, Felix picked up a new blue harness and leash to augment the pink one we had been using for both the male and the female. I got chided by a friend about walking the male on a pink leash, so Felix got the blue one for the male and the female goes out on the pink one. I wish I had a camera ready when Felix first took the two of them out today. That was so cute to see Felix walking both cats on their leashes. The cats are just cute, anyway. Felix isn't bad himself.

We just finished watching Queer as Folk on Showtime. I will make you a bet. I will put my money on Bryan asking Justin to marry him before the season ends. Bryan has just been making too many comments about monogamy being wrong for me to believe otherwise. I know that us gay bois and girls want our relationships to be accepted and respected just like our parents were. Many of us are in monogamous relationships and are damn well proud of it. QAF has broken much, heretofore forbidden, ground on TV and is a very good show, in my opinion.

Well, what other opinion can I offer? I only have one, mine. I am sad to know that this will be the last season for a very good and ground breaking show. Like old Archie Bunker, QAF has rattled a few cages. The broadcast networks would never have been able to show the naked bodies that Showtime did. Yeah, a few frontal shots, too. I never saw a hard cock; but I saw many soft ones. We, all, like to see a few naked men from time to time. Queer as Folk and Showtime did their best to fulfill that desire. The story line was interesting, too. Nine PM on Sunday night will be an empty hole when that series ends. I hope the final episode televises the cast wrap party. That should be a very interesting thing to watch.

We have been talking about vacation plans today. We have not made a decision as to what we will do with our six little kids (the cats). To board them at the local kennel will cost us as much as the vacation itself. I suggested that we have a friend come in each day to see that they are alright and to feed them. Felix is not hot on that idea, mainly because we can't decide on who that person should be. Life sure can be confusing at times. Even the best laid plans of mice and men sometimes go astray. Er, I think that line has aready been used. Oh well.

I shall busy myself with other things and allow you to do the same. Felix is in bed in preparation for work in the morning. I guess I will watch TV with headphones so as not to bother him.

KEEP IT UP, BOIS

NOT WORTH THE TIME

If you think yesterday's post was boring, keep reading. This one should bore your pants off. Well, maybe that is an overstatement; but this post is no literary masterpiece.

Felix had been promissing me a trip to Olive Garden for their "all you can eat" soup, salad and breadsticks. He knows I love the Pasta fa Joul (or however you spell it) there. We go to the Pasta House once in a while; but their soup is no comparison to Olive Garden. Felix loves it as much as I do because he kept up with me on ordering seconds. Honestly, that was probably the highlight of the day for both of us. After that, we came home, took a nap and played with the kitties. Everyone I show the pictures to agrees. If you are not a cat person, I feel sorry for you.

Dogs can not be shut in the house for two days without taking a crap on the carpet or somewhere you don't normally like dog crap. Cats are trained to use a litter box and to cover their waste so as to not polute the air in the house. Our cats are very well trained and the 4 kittens were trained by their mother to use the box every time. They can have a big bowl of dry kibbles set out beside their water bowl and will take care of themselves if you need to be gone for a couple of days. Of course, Felix and I worry too much to leave them alone like that. We have, always, had someone come in to check on them at least once a day.

Vacation time is coming shortly for Felix and we are going to have to have a "cat sitter" to watch after them for a couple of days. We have not set our itenerary, yet; but I know we are going to want at least one overnight trip. We just have to get away for one night to break the monotony of our daily lives. Work, sleep, work, sleep, work is getting Felix down. I try to take him out for a nice supper a couple of times a week; but, most of those times, Felix would just as soon stay home, have his supper and sleep. I really can't blame him for that. I know how I used to look at the whole thing, too.

When we first met, the shoe was on the other foot for him and for me. He was the one who wanted to get out every evening and I was the one who was content to stay home. Now that I have taken early retirement, I am the one who most often wants to get out of the house for supper. Also, now that the doctor has put me on this "no red meat" diet; there must be a hundred bucks worth of beef in the freezer that is going to have freezer burn and be wasted. I know of at least 4 good size steaks that I can not eat; much Ground Round that is going to have to be used before it gets freezer burn and much more. Felix doesn't share my taste for "the other white meat" and I rarely fix pork steaks, pork chops or pork roast anymore.

It is amazing for two people to be so much in love and have such different tastes in food. Don't get me wrong, I love Italian, Greek, Southern and other ethnic cuisines; but when they depend on beef, I must find something else to eat. Tomorrow brings the much hated trip to the grocery store; I think I will buy a chicken and make chicken stew with potatoes, carrots, celery and all that good stuff. I know he loves it; but it is really not a summertime dish. Maybe we will just give in like we did last Sunday and go out again. When Felix gets around to reading this, I will have my answer.

See, I told you this one was not going to be worth your time. I was right, wasn't I?

Some days I feel like I am going headlong into the night; other times life seems like it drags on and on. Why does life have to go by so fast? We ain't getting any younger, ya know. I would like to live forever; but I know that isn't possible. Actually, it may not even be desireable. What would live be like if you were an old queer living at age 100 and all your friends were dead? What young boi would give you a tumble?

I am listening to two people on the radio talking about haeing a sore arm. Why would a man have a sore arm? Could it be he spent way too much time jacking off? I will not even comment because I can remember having a sore arm from that very thing. Of course, the final result was worth it. Then precious sleep. Sex always makes me sleepy. The movies always showed a man sitting on the edge of the bed smoking a cigarette. I didn't feel like smoking, I felt like sleeping. Movies, what a waste of time. They seldom show things as they are in reality. Even porno movies seldom show fucking as it really is. They show someone's idea of what an ideal fuck should be; but no one is really like that.

Reality, what is reality? Does anyone know the answer to that? I doubt it. What is reality for you may be a fantasy for me, and vice versa. No two of us are alike. We may think we are just the ideal mate for someone, and things may go smoothly for years; but, sooner or later you will realize that difference. Now, the real test is, can you overcome those differences. That is where reality sets in. The answer Felix and I have is to return to our basic loves. We both love adventure. We love to take short trips, or even long trips, when time permits. We have had some wonderful experiences on those trips. It brings us back to reality and the realization of our love for each other.

Felix came home from work totally worn out. Emotionally and physically, he was shot. He may even be sleeping on the couch in the entertainment room for all I know. He went downstairs about three hours ago, and I haven't heard a peep out of him. For all I know he is fast asleep and probably will be unable to get to sleep when he finally goes to bed.

There really isn't too much to talk about tonight, so I guess I will sign off with the wish to all of you to have a great weekend.

REMEMBER, MAKE LOVE NOT WAR.

FELIX AND OSCAR, THE ODD COUPLE

That is us. He is Felix and I am Oscar. He is young and I am old, well, older than I wish I were. Maybe we could be called the Young and the Restless. Well, I think that description may fit Felix all by himself. We love each other with all our hearts. I have never loved a person like I love Felix. I will do anything for him and he knows it. No, he does not take advantage of the situation; sometimes he actually puts himself on the back burner in favor of me. I love him for thinking of me like that; but I feel so guilty when he does.

No, I am not saying that he should abuse our situation; but there are times when I feel like I have had a better life than my Felix has. I was raised by my mother and Felix was raised by his grandparents. He had more things than I: but I am not so sure he enjoyed what he had or even appreciate them like I did. My mom scrimped and saved so she could buy me a Christmas or Birthday present. There were times when my presents were small; but I learned to appreciate them. I learned to love my mother more because of her sacrifices for me. I guess that is what a mother does. Mine was very precious to me and I miss her greatly.

Felix's grandparents were very precious to him and when we visit their grave sites, he still breaks down in tears. He misses them as much as I miss my mom. I hate to say this; but I will, Felix's grandmother was more of a mom to him than his real mom. I only had the opportunity to meet his grandmother once, and I wish I had been able know her. I did know his rascally grandfather and really enjoyed him. This old guy would do things that he knew would irritate certain people; then he would sit back and act like he did not know why they were mad at him. He was a great guy and I miss him as much as Felix does. I can't help but cry along with Felix when we visit their graves.

If I could undo certain things, those are three of the things that would be on the top of my list. My mother, Felix's grandmother and grandfather would never die. Ya know, life is just too damn short. I don't care if you are 80, it is still too soon to die. Old people, our senior citizens have much to teach us; but as younger people, too often we do not want to take the time to listen and learn. Even when we reach our 50's we think we know it all and are too busy to stop and talk with the older generation. Too bad, because we are the loosers in that situation. I know that they sometimes get on our nerves, and they are slow to make their point; but take the time to listen to their wisdom. They didn't get smart all of a sudden, it took many years to gain that knowledge and understanding. Someday when we are that age, we will understand our loss.

Age does make a difference. It makes us wiser and more patient. I remember the old joke about praying for patience, "Lord, grant me patience and do it right now because I don't have all day to wait." Get my point? Patience comes in stages, it comes slowly; the very act of learning patience, takes patience. Never underestimate a person. Never turn your back on someone who is going to tell you something. You never know what gem of wisdom you may learn.

See, even us old queers know a thing or two. I know there are readers of my blog and I would be interested in hearing from some of you. Tell me what you think.

TIME, IT SURE DOES FLY

I am either getting forgetful in my old age, or more busy than I had ever imagined retirement would be. I missed posting on Tuesday night. So sorry; I promise to try to change that in the future.

Felix has returned to work like any good little boi and the good news is that he only has to be there four days this week. He is really looking forward to July and a full week of vacation. Know what? I am too. Now, if I can just catch him with his pants off I will. . . Oh, you can figure it out for yourself. I may, even, be able to remove his pants myself. It all depends on how much squealing he does. There is no need for the neighbors to know I am making him naked. However, the little whimper at the very end is so cute. Felix is not aware of what he sounds like. One of these days, I am going to set up a video camera with a microphone right over his bed and record the whole blessed event for posterity. We did that once when we were in Knoxville. I think it was at a Best Western Motel.

Felix isn't a screaming fag, he is a whimpering fag. Have you ever heard a puppy whimper at his master's feet? Felix is so cute when he reaches the whimper point.

I don't know what he has planned for this weekend; but I have absolutely nothing in mind. I am open to anything he wants to do or anywhere he wants to go.

Hey, guess what? My auto insurance actually went down this renewal. I don't know what I did to deserve the rate reduction; but I sure am glad to get it. I get a kick out of all those other companies that send out the challenge that they can give you insurance at a lower pricel; I know they can't. They even offer some sort of free gift if they are unable to beat your present insurer. One of these days, I should take them up on it. Just think of all the free gifts I could get and then give out as birthday presents. LOL OK, keep your cheap comments to yourself.

Last night I spent almost the whole evening snooping and playing with Keyhole, the satellite view program. I am fascinated by what this program can do. It, also, scares me a bit to know that our government can see that much about us. Don't try to add a deck on to your house and think you will not get taxed for it. The property tax people will know about your deck before it is even finished.

This computer takes up too much of my time. Email, AOL, now Keyhole and a few other programs cause me to spent too much time in front of this keyboard. Yep, it is their fault. If I had more time, I would do something productive; like maybe rob a bank, or piss on someone's grave or another enlightening endeavor. Can you tell that I have just run out of something worthwhile to talk about? Well, I did.

OK, all you bois out there:

KEEP IT UP
DON'T LET YOUR MEAT LOAF
DON'T SPANK THE MONKEY, STROKE IT SMOOTHLY.