OUT OF TOUCH

Today is Happy New Year day. It is December 31 and everyone is supposed to be in a festive spirit, or filled with spirits. I am depressed. I am not really in a festive mood at all. Things have not gone bad, my life has not taken a turn for the worse; but I feel unfulfilled. There seems to be something lacking.

I have talked with old and good friends today. Felix and I have bought each other decent presents for the holidays; but I seem to feel that life is ready to pass me by. I have so many dreams of things I want to do, places to see, people to meet, friends to make; but none of this is happening. I feel stymied. I am retired;but not happily so. My health forced me to accept the company retirement. I was not ready for it.

Of course, along with retirement comes a cut in income. I am not hurting for money, at least, not at this point; but I think I would be happier and more content if I were working. I had planned to work until I reached the mandatory retirement age of 70 set by the company. I had all my plans, finances, everything set up to retire at 70. Even my credit cards were timed to that achedule. OK, so am I bitching about the financial crunch. Well, not really. Sure, an extra thousand or two coming in each month would be very nice; but I do not think that is the basis for my present feeling.

So, what is it, the lack of sex, the lack of money; what? I have a life that many people would envy. I have friends, I have Felix to attend to my needs, to be with me when I leave the house for the wild, outside world. I have six little kittens that entertain me all day with their funy antics. We have good food, a nice home, many good friends; but for the first time in my life , I do not have plans for the future. Maybe that is what I am lacking, a plan for the future, a reason to live.

Is this a normal feeling or am I in deep doggy doo?